I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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