I smell stomach acid.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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