it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
