a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
