Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
