You just made me feel so damn special
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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