it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
