Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
