listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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