apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
