I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
