Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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