Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
