so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
