How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
