Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm at about main and main street
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
