dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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