I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
