I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
