can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
