Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize