I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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