If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
