i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
