Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
