I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we're making bets on your personal life
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
