i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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