I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
