I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
