Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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