I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
