I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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