Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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