She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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