can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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