I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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