So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
