ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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