I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
