Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
