Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
