I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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