Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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