So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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