I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
