it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
