pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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