You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my liver is dry heaving
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
