I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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