I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
