"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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