wrigley field is MILF paradise
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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