Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
