I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We have started to decorate penises.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
