Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
