What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
