Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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