You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
