he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
