i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
