When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
