If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
