So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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