is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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