piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
