24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
