I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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