dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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