Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
