eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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