you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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